lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
