This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
