My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
