Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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