i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
