theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
