Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
