You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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