dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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