ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
