I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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