It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize
