she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
