worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
