I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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