He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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