Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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