Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
