Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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