I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
