chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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