i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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