My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
