In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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