she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
