I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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