My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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