I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
