We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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