Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
