So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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