My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
