She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
