It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
