My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
