ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
