Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
