if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
