dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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