I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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