I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Im part way to drunk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
