you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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