Plan B is the new Plan A
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
