I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
