remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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