Please, let me fuck your mom
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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