good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
