Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
