Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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