So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
