ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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