can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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